Borrowed Breath

Peeperpuppy · Borrowed Breath

(((Note: this is my origional writing that I'm cross posting from another board. I've pretty much worked through the feeling that perhaps I should give up horses but several of you here have been in on this side of my life with Mis & I thought you might find it interesting. I'm back to reading "Riding Between the Worlds".))).

This event occurred last week:

Last evening after work I was toodling around in my house - minding my own business - when we had an unexpected & unwelcomed visitor. I was raised on southern manners & hospitality & to tell you the truth it's pretty unusual for me to encounter someone I just flat don't like onsight. On my day job I'm usually the person they put with the folks everyone else hates or who doesn't get along with anyone else. I'm usually used as the cooler or the buffer because I get along with everyone. This gal just happens to be one of those for me that when around her have to remind myself to be civil. I have a bit of dog sense, perhaps from being raised so closely with so many of them. But when I meet a person & they so instantly set my teeth on edge, I've learned to heed that warning. It's served me well & then I watch how my dogs react to the person.

By the time she got out of my house I wasn't in the best of moods so I opted to go feed my horses & hang with them. I talk to them sometime while they eat. Last night my husband' mare didn't quite act right so I went into the pasture. It wasn't long before the darkness of my mood had lifted & I was petting & scratching & talking to them. This set about a game I call feed bucket merrygoround. Harley (the boss of the herd) runs Mis (the Lippizzaner) off her bucket. Mis goes & runs Gunny off hers. Gunny then roots the boss mare out (Harley is Gunny's sister & she's very induldgent of litter sister because no one else would push her out of the feed). Now when I say run, I don't mean that literally. This is more of a case of the dominant horse giving the hairy eyeball to the other & a lot of backed ears & such. The actual movement is rather slow.

It didn't take long until I realized the bucket changing seemed to be more about taking their turns with me. I stood in one place & the mares changed places. I was taught always to spend a lot of time doing nothing but observing my horses. Just as I learn to read their movements & moods this way, so do these mares learn my ways, to read my intentions & my subtleties. Because I don't walk right, I often times get little problems & they know I can't hurry out of the way, they learn to adapt to my shortcomings. This brought my thoughts to a not so pleasant place because in the last few months I've been pondering parting with all of my horses. (I'm pretty sure I've heard some folks gasp out there). But these 3 mares have waited for improvement from me for some time. Mis has waited years as my back fell apart while I was waiting for her to get old enough to ride. Seeing 3 fine horses go to waste while waiting for their crippled mistress to get uncrippled enough to ride more than 20-30 minutes is painful to me. I hate waste.

It was then that Mis left her bucket & was intensely focused on me. I rubbed her neck, long slowstrokes, her shoulder, her leg down to her knee. I brushed her face with my hand & explored her muzzle. My mind was thinking how special this little mare is. Not because she's mine but because she is. The QH people in my life look at her & think what an ugly duckling she is. Superficial people miss so much. This little mare tries so hard to be what I need. She's got eyes like a doe & the heart of a warrior. I was admiring how beautiful she really is & she touched my face with her nose, very deliberately putting her nose to mine & for several minutes we were exchanging breaths. Then she very deliberately put her muzzle in my hands. I explored her muzzle with my hands gently & after a bit she did this again. Sharing the same breaths & time just stood still for a bit.

It's interesting to me that before I left the pasture last night all 3 of the mares did this very same thing. I didn't move to do this to them. I've seen the quote that the outsides of a horse is good for the insides of a man. Last night what's inside my horses did me a world of good.

For folks who wonder about taking their troubles to the herd... I can only say this. I'd never go out in a mood & attempt to train or affect them. I do go out when I'm feeling low or irritated & in the end somehow they always manage to meet that need with a great deal of comfort & good hearts & they affect change in me.

Just thought I'd share

bit

thanks peeps.

becky b

Sounds to me like they love being with you as much as you love being with them. Thanks for sharing that.

becdubie

Touching story, and I agree completely that they can help your mood.

BTW....the fact that you aren't riding...does not mean they are wasted....riding can just be a part of the deal with horses right?

jackspark

You are special, PP. Gotta go with Becky on the riding thing, it's a small part of the relationship.

Peeperpuppy

I guess what's been nagging at me is it'd seem like it'd make more sense for me to have a horse that can't be ridden or has an injury. Damaged human... damaged horse... seems like it'd make more sense.

But that's not how this worked out & in the end I've come to the conclusion that I have a bigger problem with my limitations than they do. But I remember what it was like to wish like anything I could have a young working horse as my old mare couldn't compete at some of the things I wanted to try. So it's through those eyes that I see waste. As someone pointed out to me, the mare's have their own agenda. How Mis came to be my horse tells me she came for a reason & as I've shared here before, she was offered the choice to stay or go. Take training & stay, be brave, get on the trailer... etc... & she took it. That's not to leave out the Grulla sisters.

They're just amazing & I'm very honored to have had this moment with them. No, riding isn't the be all end all but it's a connection that's also unlike anything else. Gunny has shown me she'll try her hardest to hold it together when things go bad but she still thinks everything has Gunny-meat on their menu

We're a working in progress... apparently all 4 of us are

4theloveofjake

You are accepted as a herd member PP. Being congruent always attracts my herd to form a circle around me,whether I am happy, sad, up, down, crying my eyes out or skipping around happy, they don't care as long as I am being real and true in my emotions and actions. I really love that about animals. My herd always comforts me when I am sad with a nuzzle or sometimes just standing close and allowing me to lean on them. Four legged Prozac

jackspark

"four legged prozac" Make mine a double please

PasoBaby_CarolU

Robin, I certainly don't think a horse has to DO something to be useful. I think being loved is a pretty good use for any animal. I mean what do 99.99999% of the cats in the U.S. do? What do pet birds do? What do most Miniature horses do?

If you love your horses and take care of them, they are better off then millions of horses who are "used" everyday.

Saddlebag

There are countless stories of a horse's spirit helping people get thro painful experiences of the heart. We who have horses are the lucky ones.

jackspark