How have horses changed how you live your life??

bit · How have horses changed how you live your life??

I was responding to Carol's post on general chat about rude cell phone use during dinner. I thought about how I was before horses, and how things have changed because of my journey with them.
There was a time when I was a very needy, insecure, low self esteemed human. I was a text book victim, and my life reflected my state of being. Seems like I was always in need of rescue.
Enter the miracle little red horse called Bit. She made for a crystal clear mirror. I began to heal as I learned a little about leadership and setting healthy boundaries. That's when my friends changed, my life changed, and I began to experience a more emotionally healthy life.
Next horse, Hawk. Now there was a dominate, nasty boy. He was my ex husband on four legs. Apparantly my next life lesson. As I learned to set better boundaries, become a better leader, and that horsey kind of conciousness (thanks to the water hole rituals) Hawk became soft. He'll still throw a snakey and he checks every day if I am up to the job. So does Tony. Tony and Hawk are a lot alike. Niether one of them would be suited for a victim.
Eclipse? She doesn't bite or rear, but she does require good leadership. For her to see me as someone she chooses to be with is my greatest validation that my life is on track.
We all started this journey with nh for various reasons, but I think most of us did to "fix" our horses. Our horses are all just fine, you know. Waiting for us to find our authentic selves, the real us, the observer. They must think, when we do find ourselves, "There you are. I've been waiting for you."
Peepers? Mis is a reflection of you, and she must be delighted to have found such a grand reflection to mirror. When she reared, I like to think she was saying, "WE are this!", and not just her. WE!

jackspark

Nice Bit. My horses have taught me how to lead without being a dictator. I've learned that I must listen and give them a chance to respond instead of just assuming that I know best and forcing it to go my way. Control has always been my issue, horses are my vehicle to learn a better, softer way.

I could go on writing but it turns on the water works, and I get pretty emotional when I take stock of what they have meant to me......

Peeperpuppy

Bit, you're very right.

A chunk of what happened with Mis is now very apparent. I had an MRI where a large white mass was found on my brain. At that time I was in a world of confusion. I work in a place that's a little like being tossed into a den of pit vipers & every day you come out alive... you live to get thrown back in for another 40 hours! A very toxic & predatory environment.

So now I very much understand why Mis was a tornado-head. Worse is that I wasn't trying to be incongruent but like something I read in the Tao of Equs, I would go out to work with my horse & not want to take it out on her. It's not her fault that I was sick or that I'd forget how to put the saddle on - even though I've been doing that for more than 20 years! Or that one of my co-workers knifed me in the back (figuratively) yet again. So I'd go out to her with a big smile & look forward to forgetting everything & now I think she must have been thinking something like, "Yikes, my human's flipping out again." No wonder she was needing to be peeled off the ceiling.

And now that I see this it's so simple. And yeah, I can see Mis rearing up with that controlled power & controlled grace & getting him to really SEE her. I have never been a good victim. My very soul is part warrior. My dogs & horses very much reflect that but the whirlw wind that I was before was Mis... now that I've got my act together, my little gray horse appears a bit smug. Very proud of herself. Very pleased. And I do hope in all of that she's saying, "Finally, my human has arrived!" My Mom said the mare made her statement clear... same as my Mom... never count Mis & I out.

Peeperpuppy

Going down the road looking at property & I started reflecting on this topic. My husband commented on something I hadn't thought of. Much of the time I'm quite unconfident - until you put an animal in my hand. Much of this has to do with my being the baby of the family & now one ever letting me do stuff for fear I'd get hurt. But the other part is because at my work I've been sabotaged by co-workers & made to feel like an idiot & I've had 13 years of this 'fun'. It wasn't always like this but in the last 5 years the people have gotten mean spirited.

Sometimes I forget what it's like to have someone look at me like I've got a real functioning brain. The dogs & the horses... yes. they always accept me for me no matter how big a bozo-move I make. My 2nd & more important job is training k9 handlers & even after 10 years of working with them I am sometimes shocked when they look to me as the boss. My husband commented that it's almost like someone with split personality because with the guys I always know when to command & when to ask... with my 40 hour a week job it's a viper pit. When he said that it's like a lightbulb went off in my head.

This is also most likely why when all this started coming together for me to see & understand it with Mis, I am learning so much more about myself. I'm working steadily toward kicking my 40-hour-a-week viper pit job to the curb. It took all of this to make me see what a toxic & draining thing for me to spend so much time on. I'm currently testing a complex computer system for these people & have learned they don't think I'm nearly as stupid as they pretend however I've decided to stop letting them put me in the corner.

I owe my little gray 'mirror' a lot.

jackspark

Oh man, you're soooooo close! You gotta keep posting this is goin to get very interestin

bit

Just like in Harry Potter, our horses are our Hagred's. Our Merlin's. Our fairy godmother's. They give us what was there all along, just inside. It changes everything.
In Tao of Equiss, remember that horses would rather have your authentic feelings, rather than a happy face. I don't know if we will ever be able to be totally open with another human being. Most people just aren't that evolved. Our horses wait for it, some demand it, all of them celebrate it when we do finally find ourselves and claim our personal power.
Horses are the closet things to angels that I have ever experienced.

4theloveofjake

Peeperpuppy, I felt like I was reading about myself reading your post. Baby of the family, always thought of as needing assistnace and of being incapable of doing things on our own. Toxic work environment. Ugh !
No wonder we have hurdles to jump in the leadership/confidence dept.
Thanks for your post and for sharing

Bit, you are so right. Our horses do demand our full attention and full being present. Thank God for them !

appellativo

In answer to the OP question....In a nutshell, I have more patience and more creative problem solving, psychology skills! It really is a whole spiritual journey though!

Peeperpuppy

4theloveofjake,
I had the dubious distinction of being a pure accident. Brother & sister are 12 & 11 yrs older than me. Mom & Dad had just decided not to have another & Mom came down with the flu. "Hello, let me introduce myself... I am the flu. I'm the Robin flu"

But my folks were really happy. Mom wanted 6 kids to begin with so it was no big deal. And this time Mom focused all her energies on having me at the clinic so we could come home the day I was born & Dad could be there with her. Even though Mom tried to prepare Dad... he really did think the doctor's could fix her for a pain free birth. So by the time he saw me born... Dad had a whole new respect for Mom. And a dragon was born. My Dad was a big man 3/4 Cherokee (or something like that) & is Dad was pure war chief material. Dad was big & strong & fearless but having seen me born & I was so tiny... it set the rules for life. I was 'the baby' Friends would tease, "Hubert, if ya'll don't stop holding that baby so much you'll spoil her." To which he would reply with no humor at all, "After what she went thru to get that baby here, she can do anything she wants with her... as much as she likes." Mom's Dad was there the night i was born & he sat up with me all night so Mom could rest.

And that pretty much set the tone. I was Mom's Dad's fishing, hunting, working buddy & when I was old enough & I got my first horse. I became his apprentice in horsemanship. My paternal Grandpa saw something in me that made him feel he was safe to pass on the stories of his people & familial secrets that he wouldn't share with any of his other grandkids. He said there was no point in teaching people who lived their lives without accepting that all truths aren't held in the phyisical world. Even my maternal Grandma passed on family secrets to me that I later discovered wasn't shared with the others. So I have been the vault for the family secrets, baggage, & such. You wouldn't know it to see me now as I'm a tank but back then, I was very tiny. This only made things worse as Dad & my older sibblings were like the worlds largest guard dogs. But I could walk in on the meanest of dogs with no fear. And true to what my Cherokee Grandpa had to say on the night I was born... I have forever had something special with animals & for reasons I don't understand people tell me their secrets - even strangers will start talking & not stop. I've had people confess their sins to me even when I was as young as age 4 & 5. And I've always been able to see things that others couldn't.

How have the horses' changed the way I live my life? Maybe it sounds melodramatic but I think the little gray mare & my dog Brownie who died just as I was starting to take this leg of the journey have saved my life. The fog has lifted & I don't want to live like this with 40 hours a week in my life that make me wish I hadn't woke up every Monday - Friday. So it's not something I can flip a switch & change over night but it's happening. I just got home yesterday from a trip where we're looking at property. In doing so I went to stand on my front porch. The gruella sisters were grazing, Mis too. I felt this over powering feeling of warmth & emotion in seeing her. Her head came up and she turned, ears pricked forward & if I didn't know better I'd swear her eyes were smiling as she looked to me.

So of course I try to tell you guys this & I'm bawling my eyes out which has never come easy to me but there you have it. This is probably one of the most life changing experiences I've ever had.