My Journey from Oregon

Annie · My Journey from Oregon

Greetings everyone in horse-ville!

I was invited to create a post in the welcome section and introduce myself amongst the rest of us horse lovers. So, here I am to share a bit about me, my horses, and our journey and what got us to the place we are now.

My name is Annie ( obviously) lol and my spouse and I live in Oregon on the coastal front. We have 3 of our own horses and 1 we have adopted in our care.

By trade, I am a Hypnotherapist and a Doctor of Divinity and my wife ( yes I did say wife)lol is an ER Physician. Together, we are a dynamite team on an amazing journey, and with our horses.

My personal journey with horses started out when I was a kid living with my father on a cattle ranch in Idaho. This part of the story is easy and short lived... It was a good day if you arrived back home alive and not bucked off and killed from being on your horse.

Years later, I bought a couple of horses, one for my son and one for myself.. that also was short lived as I had to relocate due to my career and sold them within 6 months.

Now on to present days...I have a Haflinger ( 6 yrs old) and a QH Solid Paint ( 7 yrs old) both of my girls are amazing in their own rites! My journey starts off as a strange beginning which lead itself to states of emotions and mentalities I would have never dreamed of.

Approx a year ago, my wife and I brought our horses up to where we presently live, from Southern Oregon where they had been living in a pasture ( semi wild pasture in the woods) for a little over 3 years. With very little human contact and human influences, our girls were somewhat wild horse mentality. Some training in the past but mostly very green broke and free living in the semi wild.

This is where my life took a change in course and I actually learned to become a horse. When the girls got to Seaside, Oregon ( our present home) I was in a state of panic. I had no clue as to why I was experiencing this newly found fear that had literately taken over every thought, every emotion, every waking moment of my life. I could not touch the horses, nor any other horse at that time for that matter. Something happened over night and I found fear at it's best.

For approx 2 to 3 weeks, I sat around watching everyone else enjoy their horses and watching them start to develop relationships and have fun together. In the meantime, I sat in the background not touching a single horse and shaking in my shoes at this fear that I had no idea where it came from and what to do with it. I thought about selling my QH and giving up the whole idea of horse world.

Then we found Parelli from another lady who also boards at the same facility. She said it would benefit me to learn at least the first level ( safety and relationship building). So, we bought the first level and I started to watch it like it was the only thing that existed in life. I did EXACTLY everything that Pat and Linda said to do with the class room training. I would grab people to help me practice those excersizes.

Still I was not touching my horse Until one day after a LONG night of crying and feeling like a failure, I woke and one of the DVD's from L1 was still playing over and over again.. it was where Pat was sitting and making the statement, Don't be a predator, learn to become the horse. As I sat up in bed, I played that part over and over again on the DVD, hearing Pat tell me, become a horse, become a horse.

That same morning, I went out to the barn with my wife, to do what I typically did, sit back and watch everyone else enjoy their horses while I stayed on the sidelines. However, this particular day would be the day that changed the rest of my life.

As I sat on the sidelines, looking out in the pasture watching my horse that was not getting any attention from me, her owner, but was getting attention from everyone else... I started to feel this inward thrust to walk just a few steps into the pasture. My eyes were dead set on my horse, she was like the pot at the end of the rainbow, as I just kept my eyes locked on her like she would catch me if I were to fall in the pasture. I took my first steps INSIDE the pasture and stopped and realized that not one single horse around was coming up to me to attack me. I felt as though at that moment I was the Prey not the Predator. I was looking around at the other horses as though perhaps they were hunting me and I needed to watch every step and every breathe. To my surprise, they were not even paying attention to me. Not a one of them looked at me, nor turn towards me.

Then out of the blue the words, BECOME THE HORSE.. rang out in my head so loud that I thought it was going to knock me off me feet. I started to say the words out loud in a soft whisper, become the horse, become the horse, with every word I found myself taking another footstep closer towards Sunday, my horse. We were approx 600 to 700 feet away from one another yet it felt like miles apart.

I felt the courage to take a couple more steps into the pasture, and I did. I kept taking steps until I found myself about 10 feet away from Sunday. At that moment, after looking at Sunday as the huge green monster that was going to eat me alive and me walking out to the pasture like every step was going to be my last step, I heard the words once again, louder then I had ever heard anything in my life. The words BECOME THE HORSE, echoed in my head so hard and so loud that it was almost deafening. I bent over and started to graze and out of the corner of my eye I watched Sunday graze for food, how she grazed, the steps she took, her breathing, her body gestures, the way she moved from side to side with her mouth to find those nibbles of grass. I found myself doing the very same thing, not allowing her to see me watching, mimicing her every move, thought, gesture.

Before I knew it, as I was deeply involved in grazing now, we grazed ourselves slowly to about 3 feet from one another. Sunday walked up to me before I even knew it and laid her head on my back as I was bent over grazing grass. I used my hands as tho it was my horse head and used my fingers as she used her teeth to pull the smallest blades of grass from the ground. I froze in place when she got so close to me and kept plucking the grass in one spot to where there was only dirt showing..lol Sunday laid her head on my back as to tell me, You will be fine, You have become a horse.

Tears started rolling down my face as I felt this acceptance... I, at that very moment, I BECAME A HORSE. I grazed with Sunday for what seemed like hours that day. When she moved, I moved, when she lifted her head, I lifted mine, When she let out a strong blow from her nose, I did too, Sunday became my leader that day. The day I needed to know I was safe, protected, guided, and most of all.. FREE from fear!

That day I learned exactly what it was like to be the prey and what it meant to protect your life, your well being, your survival, your food, your strength, your honor. I learned what it was like to fear things around you as everything was a man-eating object just waiting to attack at any given moment.

Sunday made us a herd of two that day and for the first time since she had been at the facility, She touched me and took me in as her herd. For the time being she was MY leader, she was MY guide, she was MY strength, MY confidence. She was my world that day. I had saved all the grass trimmings that I had grazed for in one of my hands and I leaned upright and held my hand out to Sunday to offer them to her. Sunday ate the grass blades from my hand and rubbed my shoulder as to say thank you. It was gentle rub.. one you would see a mother do to her foal.

For weeks after that day, I learned to dehumanize myself and stay in horse mentality. My whole survival was horse emotions and mentality. Close friends were worried that I was out of touch with human reality as I grazed for day after day with the horses. My herd became bigger and bigger each day I went out to graze. Other horses felt more drawn to me and grazed with me, I was learning that I was becoming a Leader of a herd in a band of horses. Before I knew it, I was the Pasture leader. I learned how to push a horse away with my body, I learned how to draw a horse in with my body, I learned how to communicate without words, I learned what it was like how to stay on alert for the band of horses who had picked me as their leader that day after day. I learned that there is an amazing balance in horse world. Everything has a reason and a why-for and IF it is disturbed at all by anything, it disrupts the whole band of horses.

I learned how to guide my band of horses to grassy areas for grazing, I learned what every single muscle movement and every single sigh or breathe meant in different situations. I learned how to shew off horses who wanted to take some of my band away from me. I learned that you can actually FEEL the blood rush through a horse if you listen closely enough. I learned what different eye movements meant at specific times. I learned how to use my head with ears on top to communicate different needs, I learned how to drink water from a trough, i learned why certain elements and the nutrition in them are so important. I BECAME A HORSE!!

As I mentioned earlier, close friends started to worry about me, I was out of touch with human reality and so far gone in horse reality that I started to wonder at times If i would ever come back from it. Well, I am happy to say, I found a balance between both worlds, and in my balance I have been able to assist more horses with emotions and physical issues. I go deep inside them now and allow them to tell me what is going on, If you quiet yourself long enough from your human thinking, you can get a full story from a horse. They tell all of the story, most humans just don't know how to listen.

Today, I am Sunday and my new girl, Punky ( Waldstar) my haflingers owner and leader. I, everyday prove my rights to being their leader, and they graciously allow me that honor to guide, and protect and lead them to higher and greener pastures.

I leave you with this thought... If your horse has a story, how will you listen, will you interrupt them while they tell you or will you be a gracious listener and quiet your own thoughts long enough to allow them to speak to you?!?!

Thank you for allowing me to share our journey. Everyday is a new and unexpected blessing, and one that is appreciated more and more.

Annie, Sunday and Waldstar(punky)... living the dream

PasoBaby_CarolU

What an awesome story Annie. I confess I usually avoid long posts, but I got caught up in your story and before I knew it had read the whole thing. What an interesting path you have traveled, and so wonderful of Sunday to help you along it.

I went through a similar fear episode over 30 years ago after a bad landing off a green horse. It took me a year to become brave enough to ride again.

Interesting how you kind of used self hypnotism to cross your threshold.

Welcome to the board.

BTW - you might read Tom Dorance's book. This is how he and his brother became such great horsemen, they essentially lived with the horses, observing them.

Annie

Happyappy98

Hi Annie. Welcome. I just LOVED your story.

I too had the fear factor so I know how you felt! It is a work in progress. I am a practitioner of the metaphysical. How cool that your wife is an ER doc! What a great match! I too worked in the ER for many years. Quite fascinating. Not an ER doc here though. Thanks for sharing your story. It is quite amazing what we can do if we just listen to our inner voice. Rock on Annie!

NCMtnGirl

Nice to meet you and looking forward to your posts here on the forum~!!

becky b

Hello and Welcome. I think you will love it here.

whudson

Hello and welcome!! I too really enjoyed your story. Lots of fuel for thought.

new2thejourney

Oh my goodness....I have tingles and tears from your post. Thank you for sharing with me and giving me ideas for my big day tomorrow morning. I found your post both thrilling and emotionally astounding. I usually don't read long posts but it wasn't until I finished that I realised it was long. I am interested and grateful for your openness and honesty. Thank you and welcome.

Karen.