Tao Of Equus.....a journey out of abuse....

Tigerlily · Tao Of Equus.....a journey out of abuse....

so I am in this book club on SC forum....we are reading the tao of equus...I am 2 chapters behind....i finally finished chapter one on wed. I posted this there, and someone asked me to post it here along with my other post on the dennis reis thread. I am posting this here because this is about the spirit...both ours and the horses.....and that is what this book is about.......so here it is.....

Hooooweeee!!! I just finished chapter one today....gotta love those hours I get to spend in the waiting room at the doctors with my mother. One thing I have found is that it isn't an 'easy' read for me. In other words....I need quiet un-interupted time to read and process some things. Living in the middle of a circus....ummm not so condusive to ...er...um....quiet time.

So I am glad i read chapter 1 first and didn't skip ahead. I read it on exactly the day I needed to as well. Considering the theme of the book.....the 'unexplained'.....I found it wierd but comfortable to read it today, just when i needed it most. It reminded me I am on the right track, and validated my new found discoveries.

The dream stuff was a bit freaky...I would have no doubt made the same descision she did.

But what really helped me was her story about tying Rasa to the hitching post and how she was able to see in her horse the pain of abuse she herself had suffered. I guess unless you have been conqured against your will, you really may not understand. And if it was an isolated event, it may not have nearly as much meaning than it does to someone who may have suffered long term abuse as she had. Since I have....I know the feelings and desire of self mutilation to produce on the outside the scars we feel on the inside. To think that just because you are helping a horse/human and you yourself seem to remain emotionless thru the fight and hold no grudge when you get the submission you are looking for.....does NOT mean your victim remains emotionless thru the trauma.

So lets see, her husband raped her basically after degrading her....and since she submitted.....I guess he helped her thru 'her' problems of being insubordinant. Sad thing is....the horse, as well as us humans, are usually just fine on our own.....it is the 'interaction' we force upon them that causes them trouble. Horses dont have problems catching, leading riding UNTIL we show up. same with people....it was her independance and free spirit and thought that was threatening to her abuser, and his insecurity caused him to torment her into submission.

I know these things well as i have lived them, to some degree still do, and watch a friend live thru it too. have we ever been beaten? No....but just as she describes....the 'rope' is an emotional and mental one. My friends situation is basically unchanged for 17ys, while mine has had a serious overhaul and the improvement is about 90%. That emotional control over another human is stronger than any rope or brick wall. when ever you try to just live.....you are conditioned to 'behave' thru a series of emotional attacks that is no different that alot of horse training methods. to make the wrong thing difficult and the right thing easy (right and wrong defined by the controller of course) and after enough time....the training is pretty solid.....the attacks are less frequent because the victim/horse has been conditioned to avoid the bad stimulus and seek the absence of stimulus and often even great affection. soon the victim goes out of thier way to avoid an attack. I wish i could describe the way it feels to live in fear....to feel your throat swell and not be able to breath, an emotional choking. I too had gotten to a point where the only way to break free was to fight like you never have before, even if it is only with yourself.

When i read her account of the hitching post, it brought back many memories of things I too have done to my horse in what seemingly was to help them....but really.....it was really just force.

I am reminded of the great horse master Xenephon

“Anything forced and misunderstood can never be beautiful.”

Some methods lack an understanding of the nature of the horse even though they are believed to hold an understanding of the horse pshyche at the top of thier core values. And really as someone who knows all too well......... there is no love in force.

He understood the importance of the horse’s willing participation in the work and carried the work forward from there. Anything less is like owning a slave and prisoner no matter how much it may look like on the outside that they helped the horse......if the horse could speak....what would it say?

No matter WHAT the final picture looks like, if the horse was forced to comply, given NO choice or say in the matter, was not a willing participant......the end does not justify the means. Putting so much force on a horse that he has no choice but to comply as he feels his very life depends on it. Just like with my friend and her husband....most people think she is happy....she usually looks happy....but i can see the fear and pain in her eyes. She does not comply to his wishes to make him happy because she loves him. She complies because life is a living hell if she doesn't.

Those that force thier horse or people in this manner may on the surface feel good and pridefull at thier seeming talent and skill with a horse or relationship, but inside they are fighting demons and are likely in just as much pain as thier victim.
I for one, thru my new experiences have vowed to never again cross that line or even come close to it. It is nothing more, or less, than painful for us both.

And there just is no need to as there ARE ways to communicate with out forcing it.

whudson

I loved Tao of equiss..read it twice. Thinking perhaps a third time is in order

I agree about force...anytime I forced my horse (have in the past but quite a few years ago when I was listening to other people

) , he was ready for a fight...can't imagine it is any different for a human. My horse is the gentlest of all right now but if you walk up to him and grab his halter...look out. If you ask him to follow with a slight suggestion, he is quite willing

Yes_But_Neigh

Bought Tao of Equus and Saved By A Horse for a friend of mine who has gone through abuse for Christmas as it really helped me understand the abuse I've gone through and how to see through the horses eyes. I hope to go to Epona someday. Happy reading

PasoBaby_CarolU

Michelle, you make some really great points there. Two really stand out in my mind.

First, that force used to "help the horse" is indeed used to help the horse do what the human wants. The horse doesn't normally get anything out of it, except the end of the fight - by submitting. Does the horse keep his dignity intact? Probably, usually, the answer would be "no."

The second is that there often is a chasm as big as the Grand Canyon difference between what some people say (e.g., this develops our relationship) and what they do (the horse does what the human dictates, there is no "relationship" just a one-way street). I think when we study horsemanship it is easy to believe that it MUST be good for the horse and our relationship if so-and-so says it is. They're famous, right? Look how GOOD their horses are trained. It must be good. Yes, when you control their feet you control their mind....so if it's all about control, where is the relationship?

I think you're right to ask their horse...better yet, ask YOUR horse.

I want to thank you for sharing your very personal anguish and journey with us. I hope your friends finds her way out her abuse. I think many of these abusers are insidious the way they take control, piece by piece, until they have complete control. And I'm sure they justify what they are doing in their own mind, that their way IS better.

PasoBaby_CarolU

Michelle, I was thinking of you when my sister sent me this article. You might enjoy Gabriella's blog also...

http://psychologytransformationfr...g-victim-or-choosing-freedom.html