True friendship coming from clear intent

bit · True friendship coming from clear intent

My daughter called to tell me that her lunch date with a boy she just met was over and that she had decided she wasn't ready for a relationship, but wanted to be friends with him. I thought about how we can take that, "I just want to be friends". To my daughter, friendship is an open, honest, straight from the heart matter. You can call her at 2 a.m. if your car dies, or 2 a.m. if you mom dies, and she'll be right there for you. My daughter is a very good friend.
Friendship, I have noticed for much of the world, hasn't gone much past high school. A friend has a value of how popular they can make you, or powerful, or rich, but it's a friendship by association and you can lose that friendship quite easily. Lose your job, your status, your power, you lose your appeal as a friend.
Real friends, best friends are rare. I have fallen in love a few times in my life, but I can't even tell you most of their names, really. My best friends, I can recall their names, what we did, and know that although we may have lost touch over the years, we'd pick right back up where we left off should we meet again. A true friend is like gold. If I consider you a friend, please know how very much I value your company, and you will be remembered, always.
So how does the horse figure into all this? On another thread in gen chat, someone was asking about saying hello to your horse. It dealt with the technical aspects of approach, the whys, why nots, and whens, but I don't know if we really appreciate how truly special it is when a horse extends his heart in friendship. No, he doesn't care how much you spent on his blanket. Sorry. It's not about stuff to a horse. I think someone asked at one time, "doesn't he know how much I just spent on his vet bill?" No. He doesn't care. He does care about how you lovingly cared for him, eased his pain, and helped him though the fear of being vunerable.
When a horse offers his friendship, he is offering his open heart, and trust. Your intent when you recieve his warm breath on your hand is just as important. Are you extending your open heart, and trust right back? When he takes his last breath, and it's your last moment with him, how much love will you send to him? I think it's important, with every hello, that we share as much love and trust as we are capable because that is exactly what our horses are offering to us.
Your horse is your true friend. He mirrors our pain so that we can discover our selves and heal. He mirrors our anger so that we can find the strength to love. He mirriors the very best in us so that we can be better. He suffers, he waits, he loves, he mirrors, he extends true friendship, in hopes that we will choose to be better in all ways. The next time your horse extends his heart to you, and you say hello, send your heartfelt love as well.

4theloveofjake

Love and trust........yep that sums it up. I will always try and remember that when I climb up on my wild mustang

PasoBaby_CarolU

This is a good thread....

As humans we are so verbal that we are mostly untrained at reading or using body language, particularly our own. A couple of recent threads on here have touched around this, but I think it pays to think about our body language and learn to change it and apply it.

While it might not be so critical with a very laid-back LBI, it is most critical with RB horses and our 'hot' LBEs.

I have a term I use with teaching people, called 'Easy but Direct" that is about softness, but primarily about intent. It is learning how to move like calm and confident horses do, and some people do it naturally, but for most of us, it is a learned skill. It really is about changing our intent, and then putting it into action.

I have seen this help so many 'skittish' horses that I thought I'd share it. Going back to Hertha's post about head touching, so many people get it wrong even as they approach the horse.

Most people are very direct and head straight for the horse's head with the intent of petting it. I'm not sure if this comes from so many stalled horses where just their head is sticking out, but it's very common and I see it all the time. If people would work on THEIR gait, and develop an easy ambling walk around horses, it goes a long way to make a horse comfortable. I'm a Type A personality EXCEPT with horses, so relaxing and taking my time around them is a learned skill. None the less, you can't tip-toe around. If you tip-toe you look like a predator to the RBs and a push-over to the LBs.

I like the "hello" of CRs. If you approach the horse and then stop outside his bubble and let him come to you, I think this sets you up for a bond from the start. When haltering horses in the field, I find they stop at their bubble edge, and you bypass the nose and move to the neck for some scratching first, I'll even put the halter on first and usually a cookie for getting caught. Then a nice scratching reward in the horse's favorite places to set it up as an enjoyable experience for the horse too. I believe that riding and ground play should be a pleasure for the horse also.

Another area that I work on is SMILING. I don't remember whose post it was, but it had to do with always making your sessions enjoyable for the horse...lots of smiles...lots of "good boys"...lots of rubs. I don't know about the rest of you, but I can get so serious about what I'm trying to do, get the horse to step under, to stretch the neck, to bend the body, that sometimes I forget it's supposed to be FUN for me, and most importantly, enjoyable for my horse.

I'll stop now, but I wanted to get this part of intent down...when our intention is to enjoy our horses and have them enjoy being around us, it puts us in a better and easier mood, and our horse in a happier frame. It helps us be less serious and direct. When you smile, your whole body smiles too. Horses see this.

jackspark

4theloveofjake

I like the quote " There are only two emotions that belong in the saddle, patience and a sense of humor" The more I laugh and have fun and then become patient when my horses balks at something, we can move thru whatever comes up and have fun together.