It's About The Horse

PasoBaby_CarolU · Site Admin Joined: 31 Jan 2009 Posts: 9038

I was asked to start this thread and set this thread up as a *SAFE* place for people to discuss fear, overcoming fear, and things that have worked. No one who participates should feel threatened for doing so, and others are ASKED NOT TO do or say anything derogatory to the participants. Fear is a hard issue, and until you've faced it and dealt with it yourself, it's impossible to understand and help those who have it.

In this light, I thought I'd share my own fear experience, what happened and how I overcame it.

I was in my late 20's and was doing my first ride on a green horse. She jumped a little, and because mentally I was prepared for the worst, the worst is what happened. She jumped, I clamped with my legs, this scared her more, she scared me more, she went to bucking and I went flying! And like a total idiot, I got back on and did the exact same thing all over again, even landing in the same spot, albeit landing in a much worse position, on both knees and my chin with my neck overextended. I also suffered a concussion and spent the next six weeks in a cervical collar. To this day I still do PT and neck traction from this injury.

What I didn't expect was that when the C-collar came off, I was severely depressed and terrified of riding. What I had to do was start all over again, on my old, tried and true horse, a horse I had spent 15 years and thousands of hours on. I started just catching and brushing her until I got brave enough to sit on her again. I sat on her day after day, until I got brave enough to walk again, then trot, and finally canter. One step at a time, baby steps, progressing only as I built confidence. It took a solid year for me to ride her 'normally' again, and another year before I was ready to ride another horse.

I spent a lot of time analyzing my crash, finally realizing the entire crash was my fault from my fear reaction, and because I had focused so much on what could go wrong, it did. I had done exactly the opposite of what I should have done on that little horse, which was RELAX.

I have since helped four women recover from similar crashes and fear, leading them for hours and days, restarting arena and then trail riding. It takes a while, and the ONE true thing of advice is NOT to proceed if you are afraid. Horses read that fear and they become afraid too. One man told me he was shaking so bad getting on his horse, it started trembling too! I asked him why in the world did he proceed to get on, and he said he was pushed to "Face his Fear" by the trainer. He broke his hip in that crash.

If you go to the barn every day KNOWING that you only have to do what you feel comfortable doing, there is no time-table, THAT will give you the confidence to at least go to the barn.

There...my 'sage advice' for this thread.

Good luck to all of you.....

_________________
Carol Nudell
Corazon de Oro Paso Finos

"The path to your horse's heart lies through your own."

Rumors are carried by haters, spread by fools, and accepted by idiots. - Words of Wisdom - Mhar

‎"Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss activities; Small minds discuss people." - Eleanor Roosevelt

jackspark · Member Joined: 10 Jan 2010 Posts: 4477 Location: Missouri

Great start to a terrific thread, or at least I hope it will be.

Just having this issue this morning and for the previous mornings, too numerous to mention.

I have my coffee and take off to the barn to feed. While they eat I walk about a mile and TRY, as I do every morning, to convince myself to ride today. I'm used to it I guess, I've done it for so long that I wouldn't know how it would feel to have no fear.

This am my brain was makin up problems so that maybe I could be convinced to just go back in the house and watch a DVD. Footing is bad from all the rain, ya really shouldn't ride today. You already rode her too many times this week. The house is a mess from the weekend better get it cleaned first. Geez it's cloudy and is that thunder I hear better walk faster and get back in the house, you probably won't get her saddled in time.
Your ride yesterday was not productive, remember, YOU scared her, she probably won't want to go..................

Everyday I reach way down to get the courage to go and do it, because I know if I let it, it'll get the best of me and I mentally can't afford to lose.

Most days I win the battle and hope that the next will be easier. Thanks so much Carol for your honesty and willingness to put IT out there! I'm glad there is a place to discuss this topic

_________________
Nancy

Flying Monkey Trainer

A journey of a thousand miles must
begin with a single step. Lao Tzu

ElaineW · Member Joined: 03 Feb 2009 Posts: 1465

What a Blessing this thread will be!

Most of you know my story,, which started wayyy back when I joined the SC..
My Black/White paint Chance.. he was green, i was green = injury after injury.
My Chance was greenish I reckon. I set in to learning PNH 100% of everything I had. He was my FIRST horse. I was 36.

With in months I had him doing great pnh things, but could not ride.
Everytime I rode I was scared. Before I knew it I was creating stories of terror on the way to see him. It didn't help that I was not learning the basics of riding either. I rode with people that had NO kindness,, rude ass people who would run off, do extreme things with out even considering I was on a new horse.
Then the fear started, I woudl get scared, Chance would get scared, off I would come. He even stepped on me at one point, my upper arm. I STILL have a weird feeling area from it. He threw me in a ditch of mud, threw me and I broke my knee..

It didn't take long before I could not even SADDLE with out being terrorfied. Oh, I cried, cried, cried. Thought about how all I had to do is RIDE. JUST RIDE THAT DAMNED HORSE people would say and I could not.
Huge amounts of guilt, failure and fear is all I had.. IN the process I had Chance where he would do alllll the fancy pnh ground skills,, 45' foot yo yo with phase 1, ground driving, blah blah.. By the end of our relationship I had a nice young man come help me with Chance.. What I found was heart breaking.. The young man LOVED Chance and was soooo impressed with us on the ground, how he would wrap his head around you to bridle even..
"Ma'am, I don't know why you can't ride him, he's awesome!"....

It was me.
I could not even ride my own horse..

My journey took a change after that, I rehomed Chance, found him a awesome lady who fell in love with him instantly.. 4 days later, at her place in a freak accident My Chance was injured and had to be put down.
Now add all that to the fear, failure, losing him, him dieing... omg I could go on..

My dog Lucky is what brought me to the Present Now... Through Cesar Millan's dog whisperer show... It's funny,, Pat or linda never did. They talked about it being a personal development program, all I learned was some patience..
When I started to work with my dog's issues my horse issues started to get better! Cesar speaks of Living in the NOW..

Jet, my 22 year old twh. A free to me guy that's been around the world 10 times was my saving grace with horses.. If not for Jet, I would not be in horses right now..
I started much like Carol did,, grooming,,, loving.. that sorta thing. Jet was the most patient animal on the plant.. A Gift from God...
From grooming I was saddling.. but I sat on him for I don't know how long!!!
Then my 11 year old daughter would lead me through the pasture!
While all this was going on there was no pressure from anyone,, Jet had a slight limp from improper hoof care, so I had a GREAT excuse not to go riding with them people. I didn't realize then that I didn't have to 'make excuses'

It was one step at a time! Slow and easy. If I started to freak out I would just bail off and settle. There was one time where I was able to relax in the saddle! I remember how it felt.. great!

a couple months before Jet passed , Nancy brought me to Eckhart Tolle, The Power of NOW..
That caused my horsemanship to explode forward!!!! Jet got even calmer! He had been compensating for me for so long! hehehehe..
The very day I read that book I dropped the past,, Let Chance goooooo..
And started to enjoy riding, RELAXED!!! 2 months later Jet had to leave this earth..

Now when I ride Levi,, I get centered before I mount,, breathe in and out,, and see those beautiful White Ears and EVERYTHING in me relaxes...

I thank God EVERYDAY for this journey.. I guess I am okay with horses,, but I have become such a greater person..
My development has been far greater!

jackspark · Member Joined: 10 Jan 2010 Posts: 4477 Location: Missouri

Thanks for the history, I didn't know about any of your time with Chance! I look forward to a time when I don't have fear, on any front.

I hope this will be a spot where we can "dump" some of the fears

_________________
Nancy

Flying Monkey Trainer

A journey of a thousand miles must
begin with a single step. Lao Tzu

alexwein · Posted: Mon Jul 12, 2010 8:18 pm Post subject:

Yeah, I agree, a great thread. Thanks so much Carol for creating the space to discuss such things. I wish you could help my friend. She had a terrible fall with her horse going backwards on top of her. It's been over a year and she is terrified to ride, can't get past a walk and that in an arena. She was a highly experienced endurance rider before that.

As for myself, I definitely have fear! Mine doesn't come up so often. I'm a confident rider, have been all my life. I've worked with a lot of traumatized ex-racers, so I learned to get very quiet, relaxed, to lock my center of gravity in my core as soon as something goes wrong, etc. All good.

But I've noticed since coming back to horses after a period of time away, there are certain things that are almost like a small PTSD reaction. That learned reaction of getting centered when the horse spooks...not so much there any more! A horse bolting, any quick movement, brings instant panic. I can get control over it pretty quick, but it's there and I notice it. Maybe it's just a matter of relearning it, since I have noticed it improving a bit. But it's still there. And it is definitely not a helpful reaction! I have recognized that I have some trauma of my own to deal with! Dealing with mentally and physically damaged horses was difficult enough, but in reality, I did it without any real guidance. I never really had anyone helping me. I learned by doing, and in some ways it made me a really good rider, in other ways, it created some mental scars of my own. I got hurt pretty substantially through not really knowing what I was doing. Broke my back, both arms (not at the same time), had some incredibly scary moments with some pretty out-of-control and terrified animals.

So I've recognized that this has left residual, unresolved trauma in me! I picked a quarter horse for this time in my life for a reason. When she spooks, it's a hop and an alert look, not the rearing and spinning and crashing into things that some of the other horses I dealt with used to do! I picked such a horse on purpose. I just do NOT want to deal with that any more. My friend's horse, a 4-yr-old that I rode this past weekend, balked at a water crossing. She was telling me to smack him with a saddle leather, but I could feel him. He was going to go up, and I told her flat out I was not in any mood to fight with him about it. She got on him, tried him for a minute, then got off an led him across the water! Wise move!

That was a case where my fear came up and I was quite clear that no, I was not going to go there! The rest of the ride was great. He got a little nervous a few times, but we went through another water crossing with a little encouragement and I never felt any real fear with him after that.

And that is all well and good. But when I do feel that fear, when something out of control happens, I definitely do not have control over my reaction. It feels like all those years of being out there, literally, on my own with these horses, perhaps THAT is the trauma, not so much what the horse was doing. Like maybe it is that feeling of being alone with it that creates the panic reaction in me. Something like that. Not that I should or wouldn't be afraid if a horse goes ballistic!

I also notice that I sometimes have very fearful thoughts about something bad happening to Dakota. She means so much to me, she is so special to me, unlike any other horse I've had. So the stakes, high enough with any horse, are so much higher with her! It comes up when trailering her, but other times too. I have to constantly talk myself down from it whenever she is being hauled. I think it's worse because I don't yet have my own trailer and other people do the hauling, so I don't have control over even that. But other times too. It happened this past weekend when my horse got out of her pen three times. I felt panic, especially when it looked like she was going to run off into the woods after her buddies! The thought of something happening to her terrifies me. I lose my cool completely and am in a place of utter panic.

I am kind of famous for keeping my cool in emergencies and even considered emergency medicine. But not when it's my family or my animals. I panic, plain and simple, because the thought of losing my dog or my horse, in that moment, is sheer terror.

So these are two areas where I've noticed my fear coming up. Sometimes I think I should be more afraid, like when I climb up on my young horse without a helmet! I'm not saying that is in any way a good thing, and don't need anyone telling me how stupid that is to do! But I just wonder sometimes why I myself don't feel fear at times like that. I do know better, and I've been knocked out and been hurt badly in falls.

Fear is a strange thing. I think in some ways it is incapacitating and totally gets in my way. Other times, I think fear keeps me sharp, alert and safe. And maybe at times, I need a bit more of it to stay safe! Maybe it's keeping fear in balance--listening to it when it's appropriate, desensitizing to it when it's out of balance.
_________________
Alexandria & Dakota "Dun horse, magic horse, come when I call you!" Thundering hooves, flying mane, the dun horse came.

"We cannot escape fear. We can only transform it into a companion that accompanies us on all our exciting adventures."

jackspark · Member Joined: 10 Jan 2010 Posts: 4477 Location: Missouri

alexwein · Posted: Mon Jul 12, 2010 8:53 pm Post subject:

jackspark · Member Joined: 10 Jan 2010 Posts: 4477 Location: Missouri

alexwein · Posted: Mon Jul 12, 2010 9:28 pm Post subject:

jackspark · Member Joined: 10 Jan 2010 Posts: 4477 Location: Missouri

alexwein · Posted: Mon Jul 12, 2010 11:14 pm Post subject:

_________________
Alexandria & Dakota "Dun horse, magic horse, come when I call you!" Thundering hooves, flying mane, the dun horse came.

"We cannot escape fear. We can only transform it into a companion that accompanies us on all our exciting adventures."

CoolsLadyInRed · Posted: Tue Jul 13, 2010 12:50 am Post subject:

Happy 55th Birthday Alex!!!!!!!!! occasion4

I turned 55 this year, too. 55 in the year 1955...has to have some special meaning!!!!!!!!!Hugs, Beth
_________________
beth

jackspark · Member Joined: 10 Jan 2010 Posts: 4477 Location: Missouri

Alex, Votre joie est ici! Happy 55th Birthday, I wish you "fearlessness"

_________________
Nancy

Flying Monkey Trainer

A journey of a thousand miles must
begin with a single step. Lao Tzu

4theloveofjake · Posted: Tue Jul 13, 2010 12:11 pm Post subject:

You mean I'm not the only one ???

Yay !

Lately I have been succeeding at overcoming my fear. This has been wonderful and opens up a whole new world of possibilities for my horses and I. I still have more to overcome but it seems the more I do the less the fear has a grip on me.

A long time ago someone on here told me that when you react to and survive a scary situation it helps your confidence soar, they were right.

Also, I have realized that there are times I feel more brave and more confident than others and these are the times I get on Jake and succeed with him. I still can't just go out and hop on him any time. It's not good for him or I so I go with my intuition.

Thanks for starting this thread Carol !!!

_________________
Great Spirit, help me never to judge another until I have walked in his moccasins.- Sioux Prayer

“Do your thinking at night, and your feeling during the day.”

PasoBaby_CarolU · Site Admin Joined: 31 Jan 2009 Posts: 9038

Linda Parelli had a statement, "If you are afraid, get off."

Regardless of which fear you are having, the one in your mind, or a fear of something the horse is afraid of (or you are, like a steep crossing or bridge), this is good advice.

I can't think how many times I've heard, "Show em who's boss." or "Don't get off, they'll win."

in these cases. Neither statement is true. Horses who are afraid don't win, they loose just like you do. When faced with a fearful situation, and it can be YOUR fear, because that travels through your legs and reins, right to the horse, the horse needs a LEADER. If you can't be an effective Leader right then in the saddle, then on the ground is the place to be. You and your horse will live to ride another day, whereas forcing the issue can lead to a bad crash and harm both you and the horse.
_________________
Carol Nudell
Corazon de Oro Paso Finos

"The path to your horse's heart lies through your own."

Rumors are carried by haters, spread by fools, and accepted by idiots. - Words of Wisdom - Mhar

‎"Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss activities; Small minds discuss people." - Eleanor Roosevelt